I forgot to light you a candle on here for your birthday but I lit a real one. Sometimes it is too overwhelming to write something, to share something for future memories. Bella struggled when it came up to your birthday so we went to Swanage with Tasha for the day and it was beautiful. I knew she would struggle today, so I took her off to spend the day with your mum. We went to Whiteley and I think we all enjoyed it. Some days we just carry on as we have to, but it can be exhausting trying to get through the days that make our hearts ache and physically slow us down. I'll never not miss you. I'll always want to see photos, see memories, talk about you. Bella asked why I moved to Southampton and I told her how I was kicked out and how it let me to meeting you and I loved telling her. She didn't know you then, and it's so long ago we forget what we had. The closeness, the deep connection. I don't think I will ever have a connection like that again, one that goes so very deep to my soul. 4 years is a very long time. It's nearly a quarter of what we should have had, almost half of what we did.

Babe, last night I was too tired to stay awake until midnight and then today I was all focused on cleaning and now, this is the time when I keep my mind and heart free for you. Waking up this morning after dreaming about you was beautiful - we were looking for birthday breakfast for you, and a croissant for Bella. I love dreams of you, happy ones. 43, babe, 43! Gateaux? New PS4 game and definitely some fudge! And man, of we could have an Indian together that would be just perfect. I'm going to work my way through the menu at your favourite place on St Mary's. How I never tried any of it with you I will never know but you sure know your shit. 🥰 So, that where we go. And I will always take the samosas to your mum 💙 Happy birthday, I love you eternally xxxx

Wish you hope and joy,we love with our hearts ❤️🥳 happy birthday love you lots. From Bella X Kim